On Valentine’s Day many years ago I opened the door to find myself facing the biggest bouquet I had ever seen in my whole life. It was a real garden’s worth of the most beautiful flowers imaginable and they had my name on. The florist who’d delivered it smiled – why wouldn’t he? He’d just earned a whole week’s takings with just one delivery – and he commented on how much my Valentine must love me to send me such a bouquet. The neighbours who had been all-agog watching him struggle up the steps with it called out their congratulations, saying how lucky I was to have someone so besotted with me. And me? Well, I couldn’t really appreciate the colours of the flowers until I’d taken them in and taken off the sunglasses that were hiding the blackeye that the sender of this magnificent bouquet had given me the previous day.
So, you’ll excuse me if I’m somewhat cynical about Valentine’s Day.
You see, I believe that you show love to someone by the way you treat them every single moment of every day. You don’t need Clintons or Cadbury’s or Interflora to make you feel obliged to show that special person – and everyone else – what they mean to you. At a place I once worked, it became a competition every year to see whose husband or boyfriend sent the best bouquet. “My bouquet’s huge!” ” Yes, but mine must have cost more than yours!” Yet I believe these displays are meaningless unless they’re followed up with loving, respectful behaviour towards your partner all the time.
Today I had a phonecall from the Fella Who’s Faraway. Nothing unusual there; we’re always in touch in spite of the distance. Now, he’s someone who wouldn’t know romantic if it jumped up and bit him on the nose. Yet he’s loving, considerate and thoughtful and has shown what he thinks of me with so many little everyday acts of kindness and support and practical help over the years we’ve been friends that I know he loves me and that is what I consider to be most important. He treats me with respect.
For those of you who measure your love by the size of your bouquet – enjoy the flowers! I’ll be enjoying an “Anti-Valentine’s Takeaway” tonight with some friends – a couple included -who, like me, think the whole thing is a rip-off. I can’t think of anything worse than sitting in a restaurant over a wilting rose and a candle stuck in a wine bottle with Lady in Red playing on a continuous loop, while eating mediocre food that’s doubled in price for the night, surrounded by other tables-for-two, everyone talking in hushed tones and looking self-conscious.
And I’ll be connecting with the actions of the One Billion Rising movement which are going on all over the globe today to draw attention to the plight of the one billion women and girls worldwide who are victims of abuse. If you want to show some real love, then please use this link and spread the word http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2013/02/13/one-billion-rising-dance-stop-violence-eve-ensler-explains_n_2678636.html?utm_hp_ref=uk
Much love.
A moving piece that makes a very valid point. I always celebrate Valentine’s day but I see what you mean and understand your point of view. I hadnt heard about a Billion Rising. Shame there wasn’t more publicity about it. Thanks for bringing it to our attention.