Fortunately, yesterday afternoon at 5pm I was having a bite to each and a catch up with my lovely friend Lyn and so I missed seeing myself on The Chase.  I know the programme went out because I had half a dozen missed calls and ten texts telling me I was on the telly.  I did know as I was there when they filmed it!!  Ha Ha!

Well, if you were (un)lucky enough to see it you’ll see that I didn’t come out of it exactly bathed in glory, did I?

The Chase was one of Mum’s favourite programmes and I used to really look forward to making her a cup of tea, sitting down and watching it with her before getting her dinner ready.  She used to get so annoyed with contestants who took the lower offer and she always cheered for the Chaser, especially Ann Hegarty, who was her favourite of the four.  One afternoon I saw they were advertising for contestants and so without telling her I applied and was given an audition and, as that was successful, put onto the provisional list.  I never told Mum about this as I wanted it to be a surprise when we turned the TV set on one afternoon.  Unfortunately, she died before I was called to record the programme; ten months after the initial audition.

Although I was a bit nervous, I felt much more at ease once I met the producer and producer’s assistant assigned to look after us for the day and the other contestants, Mags, Dave and Neil, who were three lovely people whose company I really enjoyed. We were the last of three programmes to be recorded that day and there was a lot of hanging around.  Our call was 1pm but it was almost 6pm before recording started.

But I felt things weren’t going to go my way long before I got in front of the camera…

I had made my plan – I was going to go for the big money, however much it was.  But I hadn’t banked on being the first contestant.  That really threw me!  When they told me I was filled with panic because for some reason I’d envisaged myself as number two or three.  So I started to get really nervous about it.

Meeting Bradley Walsh put me at ease temporarily.  What you see is what you get with Bradley; he really is a very nice man,  extremely pleasant and friendly.  Shame the same couldn’t be said for the Chaser!

Then came the money builder round.  Now, at home, I never get fewer than six or seven questions right and often as many as nine or ten, which is what gave me the courage to apply in the first place.  So why the bloody hell did I only get four right?  Yes, Dear Reader, FOUR!  Well, do YOU know the location of the Peterloo Massacre\?  Even Bradley said they were hard!

And then it got worse, because when the Chaser appeared it wasn’t the lovely Ann!!  I had so wanted it to be her.  Or Paul Sinha.  But it was Mark Labett, the Beast: my least-favourite Chaser.

I still wasn’t too worried, because not getting caught meant I needed to answer five questions before he could answer eight, but I decided to stick with my £4000.  I hoped Mum wouldn’t have been ashamed of me – at least I hadn’t gone for the measly £500 – but going first, not getting many in the first round and then having to face Mark had all un-nerved me.

And then it got even worse.  Why didn’t I get questions like some of last week’s contestants – the name of Barelona Airport – Princess Anne’s relationship to Prince William – what is the official language of Denmark – is Knorr Castle, Marmite Mansion or the Oxo Tower a building in London?  No!  I got the Italian physician Santorio Santorio (fortunately Mark got that one wrong, too!), the country to be expelled from the Commonwealth in 2009 and the sport that middle for bloody diddle comes from!!!  I did know Inspector Wexford’s first name and I also knew that a leopard seal was so called because of its coat.

SO WHY DID I PRESS THE WRONG BUTTON AND SAY IT WAS BECAUSE OF ITS ROAR???????    Answers on a postcard, please.

I knew I’d done it wrong immediately and so did Bradley.  I think it was just nerves and I started to panic and…. oh well..

Then I heard those immortal words: “Elaine, you have been caught and for you the chase is over.” 

And as I sat and watched my co-contestants I could have wept.  If I’d been in seat two, three or four, I’d have beaten the Chaser and got back for the final chase.  As long as I hadn’t pressed the wrong button, of course!

And since then, well, every time I watch the programme I continue to do really well.  In the last few weeks I’d have won £25,000.  £10,000 and £42,000.

But I didn’t win anything.

At least I have to thank the programme’s editors for leaving in what I said about my books.  I’ve had quite a few messages from people I don’t know via my website saying they’re going to buy them, so something positive’s come out of it.

But, unfortunately, I’ve gone down in the annals of the Chase history as “that stupid Elaine who pressed the wrong button”!

(And if you missed it and would like to see it, the programme is available on itv player for another 29 days.)

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