For much of my life I felt that I’d been born in the wrong era. Cursed with curly hair, my teen years were spent in floods of tears because I looked like Charles II when everyone else had their hair like Sandie Shaw and Cathy McGowan, only to see it self-straighten to wavy when curly hair became fashionable. I have learned to live with it and tame it and at the moment, as I only have one hand, I’m wearing my ‘wash and go’ look. It’s now long enough to wear in a fashionable bun, too, should I be in Antigua where it’s hot and humid, or if I want to look smart.
My bum has been less easy to deal with. I first became aware that it was larger than the norm when my dad commented ‘She’s got the Spires’ arse,’ when I was wearing a new outfit at age 12. I hated it and was always glad that it was behind me so that I could, to all intents and purposes, ignore it. When I lived in Spain, it was feted by one boyfriend, who told me ‘you are like a beautiful guitar,’ and a Greek boyfriend positively luurved it! But, buying clothes has always been a chore – dresses a definite no-no when your hips are two dress sizes bigger than your bust. And then as I moved into middle age and put on weight, I developed the Sargeant- thighs from my mum to go with the Spires-arse. I felt that I would have been happier living in the sixteenth century where my cellulite and I could have been the subject of a Reubens’ painting.
Acceptance of myself came, eventually, when I made a conscious decision in my forties to let go of the size of my bum and just not worry about it any more. This was helped when I fell in love with Antigua. Caribbean women often have very large butts and more than once I’ve been told ‘ Elaine, you are a black woman in a white woman’s skin!’. And it was actually nice to blend in and to see bums bigger than mine on a regular basis.
And now, a big bum is all the rage – the thing – what everyone wants! Women are even paying to have arse implants. Yesterday, Kim Kardashian revealed her very large one, oiled and bared for the camera. It’s smaller than mine.
Finally! I fit in! I have something women are paying for! I’m walking around today, swinging and wiggling my bum with pride! I’ve got it and I’m flaunting it!!
You go girl xx
Having a small bum and a big belly can be just as frustrating until your Husband like mine would say “I just love your big bells” somewhere in there is a compliment I fear.
JB x
Reminds me of the time a singles’ client couldn’t believe how old I was. Then said, ‘But, of course, you’re lucky, Elaine. Fat people don’t get wrinkles.’ As you say, a compliment in there somewhere!! X